It's the Little Things

As most of my readers know I have been training for a marathon with Team In Training. The marathon is only 19 days away!! This means that I have just one more long run and then in two weeks I will be running 26.2 miles!!! I can't really believe that I have made it this far, but run that marathon I will even if I have to crawl across the finish line.

It is weird to think back to 6 months ago when I was dating someone I thought was amazing. Then he told me he didn't want to go down that road and I thought WTF? That made me take a good hard look at my life and realized oh wait I don't have a life. I am all talk and have no idea what I want to do. I think I will run that marathon I keep talking about.

You know what happened during this six month period? I learned how amazing some people are and I also cut a lot of people out of my life. I learned to put myself first. I learned how much I love to run. How my life falls apart when I don't run at least 4 miles 4 times a week. I didn't realize how much this was crucial for my life. I learned that people will surprise you. That the ones that are negative are really not worth having in your life. Most of all I learned that you just have to keep running forward because there is always a downhill to make the uphill totally worth it.

I have come a really long way in the past six months. You can't really tell from this blog because I tend to be a little sporadic at keeping up with it. However, looking at when I started it in February when it was titled "Megs Wants A Date" to now where it is "Megs Life is Great". I think right there you can see the change that has happened. At first it was just a title change. I was very much still focused on the whole single thing and the whole boy thing. Somehow in the past few months everything has changed. I think I am kind of back to the me I use to be with all the good things of the NYC Meg mixed in.

I'm not sure what brought this on, but I'm slowly learning to just go with it. I had an out pouring of support in donations this week. I almost beat Brick on my Black Berry and my job is going great. I made an amazing dinner last night and I was home by 7 today too. It really is the little things and I am just so happy I have finally realized that you should pay attention to them.

Want Vs. Need

I have come to the conclusion that I may actually want a boyfriend. I think that before now I felt like I needed a boyfriend. This is not true. This isn't even remotely true. I do not need a boyfriend. I can do everything I have been doing and be happy all by myself. I think that I lost track of that a couple years back and felt that I needed a boyfriend to make everything make sense.

I now know that boyfriends do not really do that even a little bit. Going into a relationship is hard work. If anything it complicates life. Why do you need that? Being in a relationship is something you should want. You shouldn't ever need another person to make your life complete ever.

What I have decided I want isn't anything serious. I want to be someone's something, but not their everything. I would like that person to be my something, but not my everything. Just someone to sit around with on a rainy day and watch bad movies. I want to feel that connection with a guy. I want to feel wanted not just for a hot second, but for a while. It doesn't have to be forever, but just to know that there is someone out there that would like to see me more then once a week. Who likes my company and wants to know what I have to say.

I don't need these things. My life is going fairly great right now. I've made some decisions on what I want to do and have been making new friends. I'm getting a raise next month and I got healthy insurance. A boyfriend or whatever it is that comes into my life is not going to make any of these things better or worst. It will be it's own thing.

Before I was going into every date/interaction with a guy like this would be it. This guy would make everything better. He is just what I'm looking for. This guy will make everything better. I believe we are taught this growing up. We meet someone and they complete us and we have nothing else to worry about. When we have found that person that will provide for us and us for them then life is just easy. This is a little bit of a fairytale and really just not worth it. If you can't be a complete person on your own why would you be good for anyone?

I'm not sure what has changed. I just know that I don't need anything anymore. You know that feels great.

I Hate the Internet

I hate the internet. Facebook and Twitter make me crazy. I can't stop going on them. I know way to much about people. I just want to have an actual relationship with someone yet the internet makes me crazy. That is all... I just hate the internet.