Glutton For Punishment....

Recently I wrote about Amazing Guy. I thought we seemed to hit it off pretty well, but after our 3rd date he sent me an email claiming we are looking for different things and he doesn't want to go down that road. I was/am slightly devastated. He was the first decent guy I had met on Match or just anywhere. I'm not sure what I wanted exactly but I knew I wanted him in my life. I guess I was a little to honest a little to soon. I don't know if I was hurt more by the email, by not knowing what caused this decision (emails/text initiated by him everyday, 2 7-8 hour dates, emails while he was on vacation, this went on for a month), or just by the fact that this meant he wasn't going to be in my life anymore as a makeout partner or otherwise.

The problem now comes to the fact that I was slightly determined that he was going to become my friend. I don't know why we couldn't be friends. We hit it off really well. I mean yes I was still slightly into him, but I have suffered through unrequited love my whole life (um... hello best friend in high school 4 years running). I can turn into the sister/best friend and I'm good at it. I also feel like I'm lacking some 20 something single/non-single but fun friends and males as well. Perhaps I should have realized that this was not going to happen my only question is why. Why would it have been so bad if we were friends? I should say that we may have made it to friends had it not been for a drunk email I sent after being ditched by someone after a long night of having fun. I'm talking 7pm-3:30am and being stranded on the Lower East Side all by myself after said "friend" totally disappeared with a guy. I felt pathetic (not that pathetic because I had just got hit on by 4 guys but still ditched) and thought AG would never do this to me. Why aren't we friends? And then proceeded to tell him the exact same thing in an email at 4:30 in the morning. In this email I also wrote that I was slightly drunk and slightly annoyed.

Yes.... after a whole night of not texting him I did something so much worst and email!!! Argh.... I probably looked like some desperate chic who didn't want to let him go. I honestly just wanted to be friends. Alas, I so screwed this up. Do you think there is anyway that I can salvage something from this wreckage? My best friend told me though this email was maybe to soon and a little strange he couldn't fault me for being honest... Oh man.

Anyways, being that the Internet fuels my flame for finding out things and I did meet him on match I went on match recently. Though, after the last time I'm not going on anymore. I'm joining a sports team or something. I just need to get out there. Ok tangent over. I looked through who had viewed me and he hasn't been on in 2 weeks. I don't know why this affects me. I think it is the idea that he may have found someone, but instead of telling me he was seeing someone else he had more of a connection to he did that whole I don't want to go down that path. Both hurt but I would prefer honesty to trying not to hurt my feelings. I know I may be jumping to conclusions. Perhaps he just got sick of match like I did and has more restraint. Obviously I'm still kind of into him or this wouldn't bother me. I think that I am more into the idea of him or the mystery of what really happened and I can't get it off my mind.

Regardless of what the case is AG is stuck in my head and I just want him out. It's been a month. I met a new/old guy to crush on, but still AG keeps popping back into my head. I think it comes down to when you meet people you connect with you don't want the connection to just be gone. You don't want them to disappear from your life. It is rare that you find someone who you can talk to for hours and have fun with and I missed that. I was hoping that I would find a new group of friends, but instead I found a tiny bit of heartbreak.