Saturday, March 19, 2011

Dilemmas and Life Updates

So I have a major major dilemma (makes it sound way more serious then it is) I like this boy and said boy is clueless or at least I think he is.  Said boy is also very much a boy as he is 23 and at 28 for some reason this is way to much of an age difference.... Every time I begin to write him off he pops back into my life.  I kind of hate it.  We are just friends and fairly goodish I think, but I try and keep my distance because I realize that I like him too much. The thing is he just makes me happy.  I laugh when I'm around him. I'm at ease when I'm around him. I don't think to much when I'm around him.  Last night I went to a friends birthday party and he showed up and I don't know I hate to say I light up when I see him but I do.  We started talking and he told me he might move to California.  Which would be great for him but makes me more upset then it should.  Then we started talking about our growth groups and he was like yeah I am hanging out with this new friend I meet at mine tomorrow.  I was like that's awesome... Then a few minutes go by and he's like oh by the way the new friend is a girl what should I do with her, but just as friends it's not a date. I rolled my eyes and was like it is totally a date idiot.  I felt myself slipping into friend zone and putting up all my walls. I hate when I do this. So the Dilemma is next time I hang out with him do I tell him I think I like him as more then a friend... I already think I know the answer but sometimes I think I just don't do it because I'm so afraid of what his answer will be... Ah so that is that for that stream of consciousness.