Dilemmas and Life Updates

So I have a major major dilemma (makes it sound way more serious then it is) I like this boy and said boy is clueless or at least I think he is.  Said boy is also very much a boy as he is 23 and at 28 for some reason this is way to much of an age difference.... Every time I begin to write him off he pops back into my life.  I kind of hate it.  We are just friends and fairly goodish I think, but I try and keep my distance because I realize that I like him too much. The thing is he just makes me happy.  I laugh when I'm around him. I'm at ease when I'm around him. I don't think to much when I'm around him.  Last night I went to a friends birthday party and he showed up and I don't know I hate to say I light up when I see him but I do.  We started talking and he told me he might move to California.  Which would be great for him but makes me more upset then it should.  Then we started talking about our growth groups and he was like yeah I am hanging out with this new friend I meet at mine tomorrow.  I was like that's awesome... Then a few minutes go by and he's like oh by the way the new friend is a girl what should I do with her, but just as friends it's not a date. I rolled my eyes and was like it is totally a date idiot.  I felt myself slipping into friend zone and putting up all my walls. I hate when I do this. So the Dilemma is next time I hang out with him do I tell him I think I like him as more then a friend... I already think I know the answer but sometimes I think I just don't do it because I'm so afraid of what his answer will be... Ah so that is that for that stream of consciousness.

It's Official

Well everyone it is official I am a grown up.  My first Thanksgiving was wildly successful and I am so thankful for everything.  The first thing my girlfriends said to me was how cooking Thanksgiving was a rite of passage to womanhood.  I laughed and said I just blogged that. Life has been crazy this week and it is only Wednesday, but even though the rain is pouring down I have a smile on my face.  Life is surprising me and I'm delighted by this.

Carving my first turkey

First things first I'm sure you all want to know all about my wonderful meal.  Guest arrived between 1 and 4.  I was happily cooking in the kitchen with football in the background.  The final guest arrived just as I was finished carving the turkey. Which was the best turkey any of us had ever eaten.  My roommate told me that it tasted like chicken (I guess this is a good thing).  I'm not really a fan of turkey and I loved it too.  I said something along these lines and then realized that it sounded like I was fishing for a compliment.  The meal was amazing I made turkey, stuffing, roasted root vegetables, Brussels sprouts, mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce.  My friends brought mac and cheese and corn bake casserole. The food was amazing and we happily sat in a food coma for an hour or so.

Thanksgiving Day Spread

Then around 8 my friend got a phone call from a guy that she invited who was without family for this Thanksgiving.  There are no words that can describe Chad.  He was special.  I give the best directions ever.  I'm not just saying this.  When it comes to directions I can get anyone anywhere.  Also if you get off at the right place my apartment is a straight shot from the subway. Chad had been wandering for hours in Queens or so he said.  I tried to give him directions over the phone but even that was to much for dear Chad. We finally gave up and the girls, yes that's right, the four girls who had never meet this guy who seemed to be rather drunk went to pick him up.  When we got to Chad he was telling us all about how he was planning on buying us blue roses but the blue roses at my bodega were not good blue roses because they were obviously dipped in food coloring.  According to Chad the blue roses in the Bronx (but he doesn't live in the Bronx) look so real that he was shocked to learn that there aren't really blue roses.  Thus, began our night with Chad.  It really just got stranger from there.  Words cannot describe.  He almost came to blows with my mother because she said Colorado was part of the Dust Bowl.  My mother has been teaching American History for 20 years.  Needless to say we ended the night mostly just listening to Chad and then looking at each other with the WTF expression on our faces. So, my friends and I have been living off Chad stories for the week.  I think the people who were not at my Thanksgiving are sick of hearing about him.

All and all this years Thanksgiving will go down as one of my favorite Thanksgivings yet.  It was weird not being with family, but it was also rather nice being in a room full of friends I see frequently.  I didn't have to answer any questions about my dating life or what I'm doing for my career.  I'm thankful my parents came.  It was so nice to show my family why I stay in this city and struggle and scrape together rent.  I think most of all it was nice for them to see me in my element and for them to see the life I have made for myself here.  I realized that I have so many things to be thankful for after Thanksgiving.  2010 has been a weird year but as it comes to a close I have to say that for all the struggle it has been one of the better ones.

Growing Up

I am hours away from hosting my first Thanksgiving.  This is the first Thanksgiving in my memory that I will not be celebrating with my mother's family or at my mother's house (Luckily for me she and my step dad made the trek down here for my first solo Thanksgiving). It is a break in a 20 year tradition and it got me realizing that it really is a sign of the end of my childhood.  It is something I've been thinking of since the last Harry Potter opened this weekend. I know I'm closer to 30 then 15 and I have long been an adult, but there are certain things that make you realize just how far from childhood you really are, and for me Thanksgiving is one of them.

Wednesday Pie Night 2008

Thanksgiving more then any other holiday for me is steeped with tradition.  It was always a holiday I spent with my mother and there was never any special things done because my parents were no longer together.  It was just about people who loved each other getting together and being thankful for each other.  As I grew older things changed but only slightly.  There was always one or two aunts that came up on Wednesday to make pie.  I always watched the parade and then the dog show with my sister.  My grandmother has always teased us that she use to be a Rocket and my sister always believed her.  I have never missed a Thanksgiving in Maine and this year it was really hard for me to even say the words.

After Thanksgiving dinner walk... Yes I grew up here

However, things have been changing.  Slowly as my families small families grow up we separate into our smaller units that are also getting bigger.  My cousins are starting to go off to college.  My sisters are married and at in laws and quite frankly all those wonderful traditions that remind me of my youth and comfort me are dying away. I'll miss my cousins and the after dinner walk on the beach.  Elmhurst, Queens is just not as beautiful as York, Maine.


None the less, this year I decided to just go it alone.  I didn't think my mother would come down here (I'm thrilled she did). I wasn't sure if anyone would want to come to my place, but as I look at the RSVPs and see 10 yeses with guest I feel blessed that I can provide a home for people to celebrate in. As the stress of preparing a dinner for 15 people starts to set in  I realize that I really am a grown up now.  I just hope the turkey cooks all the way through! ;)

 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!