It is a rainy Saturday night and I was suppose to be working. I found out this morning that the mom was sick so I didn't have to go in. I was a little sad to be losing out on $200, but did a little happy dance when I realized I had a Saturday night with no obligations and to top it off it is raining. This makes one feel not even a little guilty for staying in on a Saturday.
I'm sitting on the couch right now and watching really awful T.V and really happy. Yet, as always when I am a homebody two weekend nights in a row I feel that little voice in my head that says, "You are missing something." I have zero desire to go out tonight, but at the same time I think if I was out maybe I would meet someone. I don't even really want to meet someone, but as the holidays approach and my mother starts talking about gifts and where my siblings will be spending holidays I feel that little panic. The OMG I have no one again panic. That I only feel when faced with going home for the holidays. It causes severe anxiety as well as emotional outburst through out the months of November and December.
This year will be different. My life is so much different this year. I am happy. I'm not just saying this. Running has changed my life and I am so looking forward to running my first Turkey trot and doing the Emerald Nuts run in Central Park for New Years. There is something that happens when you complete something like a marathon, but even more than that being part of Team in Training was amazing. I still haven't fully taken everything in. TNT raised 14 million dollars for LLS. It was amazing being part of an organization that is doing so much for people who are so sick. I never really thought I would have a truly transformative experience, but there was something about crossing that finish line that changed me.
So this year is different. I feel like I have accomplished things I am a much happier person. I am fine with being on my own. I like not having to worry about checking in with someone or having them check in on me. I don't think I could handle being part of an us. I am just figuring out my stuff so for now being all by myself is a great way to be.
Seriously woman, i want to hear more about the marathon! I am still amazed. I don't think I could run ONE mile!
ReplyDeleteMeg, your attitude is awesome! You are so positive, I am really happy for you. How could you not be, after such an accomplishment? Congratulations. One thought: don't feel guilty for staying in on a weekend night if the alternative is hanging out in bars. You're unlikely to meet great guys that way. You're much better off focusing on meeting new people during the day when the pressure is off. Running sounds like a great start! But in the meantime, I'm so happy that you feel content doing your own thing. It does sound like you're having an amazing year!
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