Let's Be Honest....

I can't keep anything to myself and the reason I have this blog is to tell what is going on in my life. I was reading my previous post and that is just stupid. I should get my hopes up and I do want something to come of this secret I'm about to spill. It isn't a big deal and I think that I over react a bit, but hey I'm going to let you all in on my Tuesday night.

My friend from freshmen year moved to NYC recently with his wife. I haven't seen Ben in years. Even when we were in college after freshmen year we kind of drifted apart. When I found out he was moving I sent the required let's get drinks. I hoped we would, but like many things in NYC realized people are busy. Well I had a dinner party recently and invited my friend and his wife. He couldn't come, but we planned last minute drinks on Tuesday. It was great catching up and I am happy to say I have two great new NYC friends.

That was all well and good and everything. The real thing that happened was on the train on the way home. I made the last train to my house and as I was sitting there taking my book out this guy sticks his hand in the door as they are shutting. He started saying my hand is stuck and I was sitting there looking at him like he was an idiot. I was on the better side of 3 glasses of wine and feeling a little talkative and told him he was stupid. He just laughed at me when I said a friend of mine saw someone's limb severed because of what he just did. One thing lead to another and we exchanged info.

The following day I spent debating whether or not to get in touch. He got in touch first. This is great I guess. I asked if he wanted to get a drink sometime. He said sure. How about next week. This is the last I have heard from him. So maybe something will come of this maybe nothing. He is going on a month to 3 month trip to Brazil on the 12th so perhaps I will never see him ever again. Perhaps he will get in touch with me and we will have a fantastic time on one of those days next week.

I am trying really hard to not be me... That doesn't sound right. I just have to remember I am who I am and if who ever meets me does not like the fact that I'm too nice, a little talkative, like to text, and I say stupid things when nervous or when there is silence we won't work out. I often go overboard on all relationships and sometimes I don't think that guys get this. I have this need to please and be friends with everyone. I suck at not letting things go. I don't trust anything and don't think that good things happen to me (in relationships). I constantly over think everything. I am generous. I am optimistic despite everything. I get up every morning and I smile and I'm glad that I am alive. This is who I am. I am totally ok with this and someday I'm sure I will be on the subway and meet that guy who not only text me back, but set up a date for the next day. And I'll have my story and it will be great. Until then I'm happy just dealing with my neurotic self.