My sister, my younger sister, got married last Saturday. It was a beautiful amazing ceremony. I had the best time and felt amazing about everything that happened. It was truly an amazing celebration of two families coming together. I met some great new people and looking at picture realized how far I have come. Yet, I have so much farther to go. That's life for you isn't it.
I'm not saying I met someone because I didn't really. I didn't not meet someone either, so well, there is that. However, what I have found is that when I go into something not wanting to meet someone I usually end up meeting someone, but the second I'm like, "Hey, I think I kind of like you," the person vanishes. I have been told it is because I have some dark aura that is blocking romance in my life. Whatever, it is I am kind of feed up with it. It prompted the most recent rambling journal entry which I will now share with you my lovely readers.
This past year I have interacted in a romantic way with more guys then I have ever before. I have tapped into what was missing before and realized hey I am sexy and beautiful. This is great, but because I have not been doing this interaction for many years like most of my peers I feel I'm not that good at it. This isn't really all that true. It seems to me that no one is really good at this dating thing. Putting yourself out there sucks. This forced paring, this feeling that you've done something wrong if you can't pair off sucks. Somehow even in today's enlightened, post feminist age being alone is not something that is really ok.
However, the art of courting has disappeared making it even harder to pair off. We are expected to just fall into a relationship after a few awkward conversations and maybe some bedroom interaction. Relationships are not built so much anymore, but rather stumbled into and if you have the nerve to actually be up front about things you seem controlling. The idea of asking what is going on is foreign. I have often gotten the response, "Why can't we just live in the moment?" There is this special tap dance you are suppose to do and then you both are surprised that you are a couple.
I guess I don't know how to do this. I supposedly come on to strong. I say what I think and want. I guess this is not ok. Showing interest is something you are not suppose to do. I have come to the conclusion that if this is true, well, I don't want to play anymore. I am done showing interest and being nice. I am to tired to even try anymore. Seriously, I'm awesome just the way I am and I am not going to be meek and not say what I want. I'm not hoping into bed with you on the third date and I'm not stumbling into anything. I'm sick of having a great night and then being let down by the email of "you're great I'm just not ready." I'm happily single and perhaps staying that way a lot longer then my mother wants me too.
No comments:
Post a Comment