Navigation Down

This summer has been an interesting one. I have had some blips that have cause some questions to keep coming up over and over and over again. The cliches are going to be flying tonight. I feel like I'm rowing up stream without a paddle and that I'm a broken record. I am constantly repeating what should I do now what should I do now. Where am I suppose to go from here? I have been trying to figure this out for the past I don't know 2 years. If you are a reader of this blog I would say that it is a running theme in pretty much ever post. This is leading me to do some different things this summer. Have been living almost with no navigation system. My inner GPS, if you will allow, keeps giving me faulty directions and making me take the long way around or perhaps the the guy driving my car wouldn't let me stop for directions. I have started doing somethings this summer which is truly allowing me to get back to me.

The first amazing thing that happened was that I got an apartment all to myself for the summer. This was a blessing as it has allowed me some time to really be by myself. Yes, in my real apartment I can close the door and all that but there is something about living by yourself that is totally different. This whole place is mine and I don't have to worry about anything. It is freeing.

The second thing is that I have started exploring faith. This has been an interesting thing for me and it has been hard for me. Allowing myself to say that I trust in something other then me is hard. I realize also that I don't really trust myself either. It is really an interesting thing for me to realize. I thought that I trusted other people, but as I am exploring this I realize that I do not trust. I have found a great community that is really helping me understand how to believe and how to trust in not only myself but in God. It has been amazing for me and for the first time in a very long time I feel like I'm getting back on a track that I had lost.

I also have given up the dating sites and dating in general. I realized that I need to learn how to trust and learn who I am before I can be with a guy. This has held me back so much. Yet, there is such a peaceful realization in my life right now. I'm thinking that perhaps with any luck my navigation systems are coming back.