I have been writing and re writing this post for weeks now. I'm not sure what I'm going to write about. I have realized that I have been going about life terrified of something. I'm not really sure what this fear is. I think I have been afraid of everything. Afraid of success afraid of failure. Just generally afraid of everything.
Fear is a tricky mistress (I've always wanted to write that). Every time I think hey I'm not afraid anymore something inside me goes "Whoa don't even think about it." I push everything away and then wind up stuck and afraid. So, this brought me to reevaluate my life. After a few hiccups and a big what the heck moments I started going to church. It isn't churchy church and the more I go the more I think I might need to go to a churchy church. There is something comforting to being in a group of people who believe again.
Anyways this has helped me move on in a lot of ways. I'm not sure what is going to happen with all of this. It has only been a month, but it has been a really great month and for once I don't really feel lost or afraid.
I can relate to this post. Non-Specific Fear has a way of raising its head into my life when I least expect it.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the moving on, you mentioned in your last post, I think that's normal. At least I felt very much the same after my last major break-up.
Ahhhhh. Yep. Fear is a big one that prevents us from doing what we would be doing otherwise. It is good that you've found a place where you can find some comfort and community. It is scary to be out on your own -- on your own uncharted path during uncertain times in the world.
ReplyDeleteBut look at how good you are already. You felt fearful and found a way to put that aside. You are able to do what you need to do and find the resources and relationships that you need to conquer your fear and take on the world!
You doing any running still? I am training for a marathon (that I made up).
Dan sometimes I think fear is the way of telling you you are on the right track. The key is to work through the fear. I loved your post on this and using oposites. I think basically you just have to acknowledge you are afraid and go with it not fight it just say ok this make me uncomfortable now what should I do?
ReplyDeleteSinglutionary it really is isn't it. It makes you feel a little lonely at times. Those are the times I get a little envious of my sisters and their happy marriages. Then I think you know eventually I will have that too. I just have to get through this.
I am still running and training for my next marathon on October 18th. When is the one you made up going to be?