It has been over a year... Way over a year. I went out with this guy for a month and half. A tiny little blip in time in the grand scheme of my life. Still... Still... Still... I want to bump into him on the street. Still I want to be friends with him. I want to be part of his life in some way. The idea that I will never see him again leaves me anxious. I know it is crazy. I have said I don't understand it. There have been other guys. Heck I just screwed up with another guy and already I don't care about that one.
Why is this? I'm a romantic but I am also a pragmatist. I know that life is not a fairytale. I don't think that I will be walking on the street and he will see me and be like "Wow, Megan? How have you been?" Then we will be friends. I wish that would happen, but I don't believe it will and I'm truly fine with it never happening. Still part of me feels like I missed something with him. Oh well... I'm still trying to move on. What's the deal with that?
What happens to you is normal, Megs. It is awful but it is normal. Do not overthink it. The heart wants what it wants. It is irrational and it is not worth trying to understand it.
ReplyDeleteThere are millions of reasons why this guy attracts you so much. He may be close to the ideal guy you have dreamed of since childhood. He can ressemble some beloved person of your family. He may be handsome, cool, confident, intelligent, funny. He may have arrived in the right moment in your life. Who knows? Who cares? Understanding it won't make your pain easier.
I have experienced the same with a girlfriend I had. I know that it was an awful girlfriend and she has moved on and get married but I can't stop missing her (although I have been with women who were far better than her).
The heart wants what it wants. Or as Pascal put it:
"The heart has reasons that reason cannot know."
The only consolation I am able to provide you is that it gets better with time. You will keep on thinking about him but less and less often and these thoughts will be less and less painful.
It can't be rushed. The heart has its own pace.
Until then, do not add to your inevitable pain the avoidable anguish of trying to understand it. Accept it the way it is and you will find peace.
Best wishes from Central America.