Um does this make sense?

I'm applying to Hunter College for their counseling program and have to write a personal statement. Here is what they say I have to write:

"Please write a statement of purpose of approximately 500 words (750 for Studio Art and Playwriting Applicants) indicating your objectives in undertaking graduate study."

Here is what I have written:

Have you ever sat down and meditated on what you want and who you want to be? It is a skill many try to master, but often we get caught up in pleasing others. We crave the approval of our parents and our friends often keeping us from pursuing our dreams. This is what happened to me. I was caught up in living the dreams other people and I forgot what I wanted to do.
Sixteen years ago I had a dream of becoming a counselor to adolescents just like me. I wanted to help other teens with eating disorders and broken families realize that they were not alone. However, instead of pursuing this dream I was lured to another field. I was happy with this field. I was sure that I wanted to be in politics and become a lawyer. This would prove to everyone how worthy I was and how smart. Yet, my heart wasn’t in it and after a year as a legal assistant and a few years at graduate school I could not continue to live someone else’s dream for me. It was time for me to figure out what I wanted to be.
After a few years of time off, focusing on who I am, I realized that I am the happiest when I am helping other people with their problems. Over the years I have worked as an adviser to high school and college students and find that working in this capacity has made me the happiest. During this time I was also able to focus on the issues that I have with food. I worked hard and managed to lose seventy pounds and as I began to look at what I want to do in the future I realized that I wanted to meld these two worlds together. I realized that my desire to help adolescents melds well with my passion of living a healthy and whole life. This is why I have decided to pursue a career in counseling and hope that someday I will be able to have a positive effect on how people see themselves and the world around them.

Does this make sense or do I need to go back to the drawing board? I hate applying to schools...