I always wanted to go back... Wait, what?

Yesterday I saw one of the most fantastic movies 17 Again.. First, it was the most cheesiest awesome movie I have seen in a long time. Second, all I need to say is Zac Effron's hair... Third, why hasn't Matthew Perry done more since Friends?

Coming back from my week of awesome vacation has been rough on me. It has been really hard for me to adjust to life back in NYC for some reason. I had a fantastic time at "home" and realized that my life and I have blossomed into someone I am happy to be. However, back at my NYC "home" I'm feeling isolated again. I think it is partly because I feel a little stuck. I am working as a Nanny while I try to figure things out. However, this job is really isolating and I have let a lot of things that make me happy fall to the wayside. Mostly it is because I have little to no time to myself. I work from 7 to 7 and have an 30-45 minute commute there and back.

Anyways, I have been recently thinking about things and how to make myself happier and more whole person. I realized that I cannot be happy in a relationship if I am not 100% satisfied with where I am and who I am. If I'm not my own person the idea of an us consumes me. I think this is what happened recently. I had a life, but not much of one and Amazing Guy came and filled a void. I need to fill that void on my own. I am not someone who needs a guy to complete me or wants a guy to complete me. A romantic relationship, in my opinion, is suppose to add to you. Your partner contributes to helping you achieve your dreams, but you do not depend on them to complete you as a person. I think that because I felt like I had nothing else going for me when I first started seeing Amazing Guy I put all my energy into him. I didn't go crazy. I wasn't texting, emailing, or calling all the time. I did think though, that he was the answer to all the problems. That is the problem. A person is never the answer to your problems.

What does this have to do with 17 Again? What does this have to do with going back? As I said going home was a wake up call for me. I realized that I had a great life. That I had accomplished lots of things. More importantly I realized that I was ok, if not happy, with being single. I realized that there is still a lot of work that I have to do before I could even remotely commit myself to someone. I also realized that going back "home" is not going backwards. If I'm happy there I shouldn't keep myself from being happy because I think that people expect something different from me. I've started applying for some jobs up in New Hampshire and am debating applying to the MSW program at UNE for the fall. I think I need to change things up again and shockingly I think this means going back... I think there is some unfinished business up there. I mean I always wanted to go back, right?