I was going to write a post about chasing and being chased. As everyone is pointing out to me I'm doing the chasing at the moment. I'm not even sure this is true. I meet this guy over Memorial day weekend. He is a nice guy and we chatted for a long time the first time we meet before going back to his place ( I never do this ever ever ever). Then spent the day together until he had to leave for DC for the long weekend. I saw him one more time after that. Then didn't see him for three weeks. I kept inviting him to things and he kept declining and also I sent an awful embarrassing email to him about not ignoring me.
So, I had sworn him off. I thought I put myself out there enough and really I came across as some crazy girl. I deleted his number and I was done. However, not that done. I found his number on my phone and texted him last Friday. We texted very minimally that night. He told me where he was and I went and found him. I didn't go up and say hi to him. I didn't know what I was doing there. I still don't know what I was doing. I don't know, but I was there and he was there and I was uninhibited. I guess that is what you can say. One thing lead to another and we ended up back at his place again. We spent the whole day together the following day. Then the when will I see you conversation begins and I don't know how to do this. Now the cycle of me chasing and him pulling away has begun again. I don't even know what is going on. I don't know what I want and I don't know what he wants and we never talk about what happened the night before the day after.
All I know is that I am fairly clueless about what to do here. He keeps talking about how he is probably moving. His wall is up on having a relationship. My wall is up on really letting him in and we never get to the crux of the matter. I keep saying it doesn't matter we aren't really doing anything serious. I just want to have fun and with this guy I've let down a lot of my walls. I don't even know how to have the this is what I want what do you want conversation. Recently Dan from The Gateway Boyfriend said maybe I'm the one sending mixed messages. I was taken aback by this at first but he is right. I pull away. Then I go full bore the next day. He wanted to know when we could see each other again. I decided to make that happen. I didn't wait for him. However, when I see him I'll probably be all timid and shy and not know what the heck I'm doing. He will be happy to see me and have a great time and at the end of the night be like well I'm moving you know that right. Neither of us will let our guard down but when we are together it is great. I guess I should jump and see what happens. The question is just how far do I jump?
He seems to have a lot of excuses."probably" moving. to where?
ReplyDeleteI guess you have to be clearer about what you want from him. If he has his "walls" up - there probably isn't a lot that will bring them down - but if you explain that you simply like spending time with him and want to see him before he moves, maybe that will be less threatening to him?
Deidre: I'm not sure if you would call them excuses. We have spent a longtime actually discussing his future plans. He is in the process of applying to jobs in DC. He wants to work for the government. He spent a year in Romania on a scholarship through the US government and needs to get a job with them to not have to pay back that money. He was an international studies major and he is just fed up with NYC. The funny thing is that I have been applying to jobs in DC as well. However, saying this to the guy you just meet looks a little weird. He knows I'm applying to jobs, but doesn't really get that I have very strong ties to DC. Also he goes back and forth a lot when we are together. He is basically me and is talking himself out of something. I don't really know. It is all confusing. Hopefully I'll see him again after our respective vacations. We have tentative plans kind of. I'm debating following up with him on Monday, but wondering if I should. It goes to the whole chase thing again.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I'm no good at this. I don't know how to express myself. I say too much too soon. I over think... I'm a girl.